Parties might not be fun if Mom or Dad aren't around.
Helping Your Child Attend a Drop-off Birthday Party
You want your preschooler to have fun attending parties, but how can she do that if she's fused herself to your left leg? Before sliding a spatula between the two of you, take a look at some ideas that might help to smooth out the separation process.
Instructions
Things you'll need:
- Patience
- Prepare your child ahead of time. Let her know where the party will be, who you think might be there, and what you expect to take place. You can even contact the host ahead of time for specifics, so that she will be adequately prepared. When you tell your child about the party, keep your explanation brief.
- When you arrive, don't try to "explain" her to others ("she's a little shy" etc.). Labeling her may cause her to internalize and accept the "fact" that she is a shy person, instead of someone who sometimes feels shy (as does everyone). Your child has a right to feel the way she feels, period.
- Give your child some time to warm up. Talk to her about what you see going on, and confirm that the situation is similar to what you and she had discussed prior to arrival. If she sees that you have given her reliable information, she may feel more confident the next time you go through the process.
- Don't try to "sneak out". Before you leave, make sure that you let your child know ahead of time, and tell her when you'll be back. Rather than giving her a timeframe in hours/minutes, tell her that you'll be back after certain activities (games and presents, etc.).
- Before you go, point out things that she may feel too uncomfortable to ask about on her own. For instance, she may wonder where the restroom is located, where they will be playing, who she can approach if she needs help, and so on. Also, ask her if she needs to use the restroom before you leave.
- Prior to leaving, help her to find one of her friends, find an activity to engage in, or find a comfortable place to watch the festivities. Reassure her, and say goodbye, but don't prolong the process. Do not be concerned if she is not fully.
- Return to the party a few minutes early. She may become concerned if she sees a number of other parents arrive, and you are not among them.
Tips
- Don't leave your child if she is crying hysterically. This puts a lot of pressure on the party host, and can take the focus away the birthday child and other guests. If you know from experience that there will be a few tears, and then she will calm herself down, then it is usually fine to leave.
- Leave your cell phone number with the party host, and make sure that you are available via that number during the party..
- If do not know the host well, and you have concerns about leaving your child, by all means, do not feel that you have to go, even if all the other parents leave.
- If your child cries uncontrollably when you try to leave, then that particular party is probably not the best place to work on separation issues.
- Don't be overly concerned about your child's hesitance. Her hesitancy is part of the "fight or flight" response, and is a way for her to make sure that she is safe. Everyone reacts differently to new situations, and has to handle them on their own terms.
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